2025 Report

Champeen Charles Webb

Runner-up Mike Dyson

Goat Chris Durrans

Best 1st Round* Jonty Thornton

Tim Sugden Tankard Charles Webb

Best 2nd Round** Alan Haigh

Nearest Pin 1st Round Chris Sampson

Nearest Pin 2nd Round Chris Sampson

Longest Drive 1st Round Mike Dyson

Longest Drive 2nd Round Mike Dyson

Lost Ball Sweep Dyson & Haigh (43)

Champion Sweep Alan Haigh

Goat Sweep Rupert Shires

* Excluding Champeen

** Excluding Tim Sugden Tankard winner

Three names dominated the 2025 Goldthorpe Salver honours board. Charles Webb, who won both the Salver and the Tim Sugden Tankard with a consummate display of golf; Mike Dyson, who smacked the longest drive in both rounds as well as finishing runner up; and the Glorious Leader, Chris Samps'un, who won both nearest the pin prizes. But while the Prof romped to victory by a record equalling margin, the race to the bottom was extremely tight with just four points separating the three main contenders. Eventually, though, the Goat Prize went - for the first time - to Chris Durrans.

The 18th green at Rockliffe

Monday, September 1, 2025

This year's pre-Silloth tour broke new ground with a party of seven taking on the formidable challenge of Rockliffe Hall in County Durham.

It's undoubtedly an impressive set up. You're greeted on arrival by one of the staff, who helps to unload your clubs, and offers to give them a clean and fettle up - presumably for a fee - before ushering you to the pro's shop and locker rooms.

The clubhouse is certainly the plushest we've encountered on the tour to date., though a couple of us were slightly flummoxed by what appeared at first sight to be a new form of urinal in the entrance to the lavatories. Thankfully before it was test driven, it was pointed out that it was in fact some sort of fancy sink arrangement specifically for cleaning golf shoes.

Crisp linen tablecloths welcome you to the bar and dining area, where we were served extremely good bacon and egg sandwiches. Mind you, at £10 a pop, so they should have been. And the menu wasn't so comprehensive as to include a toasted tea cake, so Mike Webb had to make do with half a packet of biscuits instead.

The course itself boasts eight different tees ranging from 7877 yards off the gold to 5804 yards off the red. We elected to play off the yellows, still plenty long enough at a shade under 6500, with a team of three ex-Huddersfield Amateur footballers - Webb, Shires and Thornton - taking on ex -hockey players Haigh, Sampson, Drake and the Judge.

The prospects of a revenge win for the footballers, following the hockey players' triumph at Ulverston in 2024, didn't look good when Jonty announced half way up the first hole that he'd made three hideous errors. First, despite a dire forecast and with dark rainclouds looming, he was only wearing shorts; what's more he'd failed to pack waterproofs or an umbrella; and finally - with water hazards on just about every hole - he was in serious danger of running out of ammo.

But despite being thoroughly piss-wet through and losing half the balls in his bag by the fourth, he rallied well, and with Webb, who scored 21 points on the front nine, finishing with a creditable 36, it didn't matter that Shires - suffering from an as yet undiagnosed illness - was well off the pace.

Ex-Amateurs (Webb 36, Thornton 28, Shires 25) beat ex-hockey players (Sampson 30, Haigh 29, Drake 29, Thomas undisclosed) by 105 points to 100.

The Bay Horse at Hurworth on Tees - just a couple of miles from both Rockliffe Hall and our hotel, Blackwell Grange on the outskirts of Darlington - has been listed amongst the best 50 best gastropubs in the country by The Times, so we were expecting some decent grub that night. We were not disappointed.

Webb in particular was very happy with the half dozen oysters he had for his starter, though when it was pointed out that they are apparently an aphrodisiac, his roommate Shires was left feeling distinctly queasy about the night ahead. Meanwhile John Drake was rendered almost speechless by his chocolate parfait dessert, which he described as "simply sublime".

Tuesday, September 2, 2025

The clouds, which had dumped what felt like several centimetres of rain on us at Rockliffe, had lifted overnight, making for an enjoyable drive on the scenic route across Teesdale and the North Pennine Moors to Carlisle.

After sandwiches in the impressive clubhouse - whose only drawback is the fact that it predominantly overlooks the practice ground rather than the attractive parkland course - it was decided that we would play an individual stableford competition.

Carlisle Golf Club

Although several of us had actually played at Carlisle before, advancing senility meant no one could remember anything about it, and just in case they can't recall what happened this year either, it can be reported for posterity that Jonty Thornton made the very most of his indecent shot allowance to win by a country mile with the rest of the field mired in mediocrity.

The Judge in particular endured a torrid time on the greens, and was less than impressed when Jonty later asked him - somewhat smugly: "Roger, did you two putt at all today?" Roger looked as though he'd like to bury his putter in his tormentor's head, but in view of his occupation and the fact that Jonty is temporarily his landlord as he and his wife are lodging in a cottage on the Thornton estate while building work is carried out on their new residence, it's perhaps a good job that he managed to restrain himself.

Result: Thornton 39, Drake31, Sampson 31, Shires 30, Thomas 28, Haigh 27, Webb 27.

On arrival at the Golf Hotel in Silloth a notice was spotted advertising "Authentic Curries", in addition to the normal pub fare, and several of our party decided to take the plunge. What they didn't know at the time is that the hotel has been taken over by an Indian gentleman, who obviously knows his keema from his korma, and the resulting dishes were declared to be not only authentic but also extremely tasty.

The evening ended with a rendition of the St David's Preparatory School song, which left Sambo and the Judge - the only ones there who didn't attend that august educational establishment - completely bewildered.

Wednesday, September 3, 2025

Some things never change. While the new hotel owner had certainly proved he can serve up a decent curry, it appears he's no more proficient at plumbing than any of his predecessors. Not for the first time we awoke to a dribble of lukewarm water masquerading as a shower.

But, as if to compensate, the heavens opened instead, and coupled with a strong westerly wind, the driving rain meant there were no takers for any of our morning tee times.

And it was still hosing it down when - with the various draws completed in timely fashion and the book opened - the starter's gun sounded on the first round of the 44th Goldthorpe Salver.

Alas, the elements proved too much for Shires J. Not for the first time in his sporting career he was forced from the field of play as his illness got the better of him. It was probably just as well, as by the seventh tee, from where he walked in, he'd amassed a paltry five points. When he finally made it back to the clubhouse he noticed that the flag was at half mast, and such was his misery and self pity that he thought it was for him.

Meanwhile the rest of the field battled their way round and fully deserved improved conditions over the back nine. Predictably the Prof - playing off scratch - topped the halfway leaderboard with 34 points, one ahead of Mike Dyson and Jonty Thornton, with John Drake the only other to break 30.

The draw

But there was a surprise at the bottom of the standings with Liddy, whose form over the summer had led many to tip him as a potential champion, languished in the Goat position, a point behind another perennial pre-tournament favourite Bill Butterworth.

While several competitors took advantage of the showers at the golf club, the others returned to the hotel to find that, despite being elsewhere in the country, the new owner had managed to organise a plumber, and miraculously the troublesome boiler and the hot water problem was fixed!

Back at the club, chef Liam had again pushed the boat out for dinner, with his upmarket offerings interspersed by two amuse bouches. Unfortunately it was his swansong, as he's leaving to pursue other avenues. We wish him well.

Thursday, September 4, 2025

A familiar sight greeted us outside the clubhouse: an ill dressed Andrew Sugden, who was wearing gardening trousers along with his Goldthorpe Salver shirt. And it appeared as though he'd be wearing them all day and all night as he'd left the rest of his clothes - indeed his entire suitcase - in his bedroom at home.

Somewhat discombobulated, he was the only competitor to require a reload on the first tee. Most of the the rest of the field, taking advantage of the morning's benign conditions - a watery sun and a light to moderate breeze - spanked their drives straight up the middle.

Your correspondent - still unable to play - walked round with the champion group, and can bear witness to a fine round of golf by eventual winner, Prof Charles Webb. Overall he played superbly with birdies at the 2nd, 7th, 14th and 17th; his only blemish coming at the Hogsback, where he three putted from just off the green. It all added up to a gross 69 to leave him victorious by eight Stableford points.

With such a runaway winner, attention switched to the Goat Prize. As Wilcox forced himself out the reckoning with 30 points, it became a three way battle between the Judge, Liddy and Chris Durrans, who was enduring a torrid morning.

In the end, the Judge's second 25 point round kept his head above water, two clear of Liddy and three ahead of Durrans, whose abject 18 points was one less than WAS scored on the day. Ignominy indeed!

****

After soup and sandwiches, the party dispersed until dinner. Some to the hotel, others to the bowling green, and Sugden WA to Bargain Basement in Wigton to purchase some new clothes. Suffice it to say that it's not the finest fashion emporium in Cumbria (probably not even in Wigton) but at least he was more appropriately dressed for the occasion.

The bowling competition is perhaps worthy of mention. Despite possessing his own woods, Wilcox - along with partner the Judge - slumped to a humiliating 17-3 defeat to Drake and Haigh, while in the other match Jonty and Rupert (another regular on the greens) only just pipped Bill Butterworth and Liddy.

On their way back to the hotel they stopped off at the local boozer, the Albion, where a few years ago we were served with the most appalling brew ever concocted, and they report that while the beer was not much better, the ambience made up for it. Unfortunately on their walk back to the hotel, they were caught by a sudden downpour of biblical proportions, which led to the unedifying sight of Wilcox doffing off his shirt in the hotel reception and walking semi naked through the bar to get it dried and ironed. if only there'd been a camera around!

After a dinner comprising the usual gargantuan portions of food, the Prize Presentation took place in front of a new feature in the Criffel Room. Is it a weird mural, the first stage of a major refurbishment or a cut price Banksy? Apparently none of the above. It is, in fact, the repair of a damp patch in the wall.

Finally it was time for Liddy to reveal how the book had fared, and no one will be surprised to learn that yet again it broke even - though had Jonty won rather than the Prof, it would have been a completely different matter.

Thanks as usual to the staff at the golf club - especially Liam - and the hotel, where the new regime has made a good start.

And as always, thanks to the Glorious Leader, whose organisational skills are unmatched.

The new feature in the Criffel Room

FINAL STANDINGS

1 Webb CP    34 + 39 = 74
2    Dyson 35 +32 = 65
3    Haigh 29 + 34 = 63
4    Drake       31 + 32 = 63
5    Sampson 28 + 31 = 59

6 Thornton 33 + 25 = 58

7 Wilcox 25 + 30 = 55

8 Shires RJ 27 + 28 = 55

9 Webb MF 27 + 27 = 54

10 Butterworth 25 + 28 = 53

11 Thomas 25 + 25 = 50

12 Liddiment 24 + 24 = 48

13 Durrans 29 + 18 = 47

Sugden NA + 19

Shires JJ Absent ill